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:iconmydoggycatmadi:MyDoggyCatMadi posted a status
I apologize with how angry I’ve been lately. I don’t want to go into a state of constant fear but I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to be held down by other ranters and commentators whose content I love so dearly out of fear they’ll hate me for one mistake. But I also want to prove I’m my own person and I won’t be afraid of them. So I’m constantly going back and forth from a bitch to kind person. I’m not sure whose right and whose wrong and I’m letting it get to me. I feel like I’m going to deep but I feel like if I come back up I’ll start from square one then everyone will hate me. Junkie, Ponder, Simply Dad, Atari, and so many more.... I fear them for one reason or another. And it eats away at me every time I post something critique related. What if it’s unfair? What if I’m to angry? What if I’m boring? What if I went into to much detail? What if I didn’t go into enough? It doesn’t make me want to work harder it just makes me want to quit. To keep myself in this small spot where no one knows who I am. A safe zone of comfort where my voice will never be heard.... kinda like me in real life. If I don’t say anything nothing bad will happen. If I don’t say or do what I think is right no one will judge. 

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:iconmeetmewiththegods:
MeetMeWithThegods Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Personally, I think it's okay to be scared but fear is something I attribute to someone lacking knowledge about a particular subject. A lot of times, most people think this and spiral like you are now. I believe Ponder said this once in a video about Icy, you can ask people what they mean when they say certain things because you don't understand it because you WANT to understand it. It's opening you're view point to other's and gives you some insight on how they think. Sure people are going to get on you for some wording but it's to help you in the end. An example would be when Atari did her recent video on anti-mary-sues and Doodle commenting on it in a video explaining her thoughts on the matter and explaining why somethings that Atari said were confusing to follow.

"...i can see why you think that the execution was a little off, now that you brought it up i agree that i could've elaborated more about what i meant by anti-sues and i may have even used the wrong term" - Atari, on Doodles video.

These videos and comments will help you grow as a commentator or ranter. So really when you think like this, just take it as a learning experience. In a way, you're giving a speech to a class that's going to grade you at the end.

"...
but thanks for the critique at the end of the video, i can see why you thought of your points, and i'll keep ur advice in mind for the future of my stuff :]" - Atari, on Doodles video.
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:iconmydoggycatmadi:
MyDoggyCatMadi Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018   Digital Artist
I saw that video and I plan to finish it 

and I do try to apply critism I get especially from a person that’s bigger than me and if I don’t agree with it then I won’t apply it. That’s not the issue:

my issue is if I don’t agree it’ll get way to out of hand when I say I don’t or someone I admit says I should stop making content all together.

i don’t nessicarily like Simply Dads content personally I can’t really get through any of his videos. He is very funny though and I can get a good chuckle when do watch the parts I watch. 

Same with Atari I get where she’s coming from but again she’s just boring to me.

but I still admire them both greatly for getting as far as they did and they must be doing something right to have the fanbases thy have. 

So I feel like if I pick a side or say something any of them don’t agree with my tits will be literally cut off and fed to me 

I feel like I can’t affford to make mistakes anymore that i have to nit pick myself and make sure nothing is wrong with anything I say

like my most recent journal I find rather risky sense I’m using Ash x Ashley as a bad example on how not to write. 

i feel like I could’ve worded it better not all the points feel like they make sense and I can’t stop thinking there’s something missing or wrong with it. I have a feeling someone anyone big is gonna come up to me and say my hole journal is trash and I’m an awful person. 
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:iconmeetmewiththegods:
MeetMeWithThegods Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
And don't you think that at one point in time Simple Dad and Atari and many others thought like this too? Many people think like this at some point in their life and many don't like to talk about it because its whats considered to be a "dark stage" in their lives. The point here is that they grew as they developed their skill as commentators, they listened to the critique that was given to them and still do to this day. In a livestream of Ponder's, someone was praising her work and Ponder (though in a drugged stupor) claimed that she wasn't anything special and that she was trash (don't quote me on that...)

If you're feeling this way, way not write a script/journal but don't post it. Write it to get those feelings out of you and come back to it to fix it rather than rant on it and upload it immediately? Though from what I've read on you're journals, no one is really finding any problems with you're stuff.

And if someone thinks you're journals are trash why not ask them "why?" Most chances than not their just trolls trying to get a rise out of you but if their serious they'll leave you a comment explaining why they think this and then it would be up to you to either fix how you do things to their liking or change it to you're own style. Personally, I think you're doing fine and should keep doing what you're doing until someone finds fault in it, I mean, you'll cross that bridge when you get there. So until then, just have fun and stop trying to dig this hole for yourself. No one is going to throw you in there but yourself if you keep this up.
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:iconmydoggycatmadi:
MyDoggyCatMadi Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018   Digital Artist
I see....
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:iconmeetmewiththegods:
MeetMeWithThegods Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't mean to scold but this is a point in you're life where you have to choose if you want to keep doing this or if you're going to cave. Take some time for yourself, there's no rushing this. If anything, I think most people here would agree with me that you're turning a simple thing into a bad one. Take a day to yourself if you have to but just remember that there are people on this site you can call friends, to give opinions, to help you up. People who are willing to stand with you when things get rough.
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:iconxxcreepyhoodxx:
XxcreepyhoodxX Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
Damn
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:iconmydoggycatmadi:
MyDoggyCatMadi Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018   Digital Artist
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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:iconxxcreepyhoodxx:
XxcreepyhoodxX Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2018  Professional Traditional Artist
uuuuuHn
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